Gone Forever
by Bijuewled
Summary: How long had she held it all in? It felt like an eternity..a year was too long..it had become too long..so why couldn't she say anything? Why was it so hard to speak? They left her all by herself. One came back ignorant, the other...gone forever. Nalu


_**A/N: Hello Everyone! In case some of you didn't know, we have reached the dreaded and greatly anticipated dates of Fairy Tail Angst Week, which means tears, anger, and yes, angst. I'm so excited to post this, especially after the recent manga chapters, and angst week was just too good to pass up!**_

_**Hope you guys enjoy the angst and sadness ahead!**_

_**WARNING: If you're not caught up with the manga/don't want to be spoiled past the recent anime episode, I wouldn't read this. Unless you don't mind spoilers. Otherwise, onwards! **_

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_**Gone Forever**_

* * *

Summer was definitely on its way out.

The air had that distinctive chill of autumn that numbed the skin and revealed the sight of warmed breath that escaped in evaporated puffs between everyone's chapped lips. And though the trees had yet to dye themselves in their flashing golds and reds of the upcoming season, the cold hung in the air and stung everyone and everything that come into contact with the outdoors.

Not that she could feel any of it.

Drenched from the cold rain that poured in all its darkening glory, she stood still and solitary, away from the warmth of the inn that they were currently staying at, its wooden exterior dyed to a dark brown from the rain, sending off a heavy rotted wood scent that suffocated her senses. She could hear the crackling of the warm fire that burned inside through the rain, yet she wasn't tempted in the least bit.

Her chocolate brown eyes were dull and glassy, their usual shimmer drained completely. Her face was pale stricken, the blush gone from her cheeks and the moisture of the rain dripping onto her shaking lips, washing off the lipstick she'd applied earlier that day.

Her long blonde ponytail stuck to her wet exposed back, her clothing soaked down to her undergarments and socks, the rain managing to leak into her thigh-high brown boots. Her skirt stuck to her thighs like glue, creating the illusion that they had been shorts instead of a skirt.

When she closed her eyes, the rain water that had accumulated in her eyelashes flowed into her eyes and stung them to a pale shade of red

Rain water, and the saltiness of her tears.

The piece of metal she'd been clutching in her hands had turned wet and cold, stinging her slippery hands and stamping its silhouette into her palm. With a shaking sob, she enclosed the item in her two hands, and brought them close to her chest.

"Lucy?"

Her eyes immediately flew open, her grip on the metal tightening immensely, biting down on her wet bottom lip. She finally felt the chill of the air and the dampness of her skin, her exposed back and legs becoming incredibly numb and weak. But even so, she knew it wasn't the weather that had caused her sudden drop of body temperature.

"Lucy?"

She'd jumped when she felt a hand rest on her shoulder, a weak and small squeak of surprise escaping her trembling lips. She felt her body immediately turn towards her visitor, and it took all the force in the world for her to gain control of her muscles and stop herself from facing him completely.

"Oh Mavis, Lucy! You're soaking wet! You'll catch a cold if you stay out here!"

She said nothing, shaken by the cold, and by everything else that had transpired. It only took a few slips of the tongue, but the pain was becoming unbearable, she'd taken it for too long. Writing letters to her mother hadn't curbed her pain or suffering, it was just a reminder of the events that had transcribed over the past year; the pain of everything that she'd held in; all stamped in ink on a piece of paper.

She couldn't blame him, really, it hadn't been his fault. She knew that he didn't know anything, and yet it was because of that very reason that she exposed herself to the pouring rain to attempt to wash away the pending agony that threatened to eat her alive for the hundredth time.

"Come on," she heard Natsu say gently, giving her a gentle squeeze on her shoulder. "Let's go inside-"

"No."

The one worded syllable came out of her mouth like venom, a sharp knife that had been begging to be used. Lucy didn't know what her tongue was capable of anymore, but she knew that there was only so much more it could hold in, only so much that could be left unsaid.

"Lucy? What's-"

"Natsu.." Lucy's voice trembled when she said his name, her voice dying down to a small whisper. She brought the slippery metal piece concealed in her hands up to her mouth, holding it close and for what felt like dear life. The rain made it worse…so much worse.

"Please…go back inside." she whispered, barely audible to even herself, though she knew that he would hear her perfectly.

The storm raged on, the rain increasing by tenfold, followed by a loud crash of thunder that made Lucy want crawl out of her sopping wet skin.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of a pair of warm hands lightly grabbing her arms and spinning her around before she could even blink.

Finally, their eyes met.

Intense yet calming green irises melted into Lucy's vision, still blurred from the rain and her budding tears. Their mystifying glow in the night rain tempted Lucy to fall under his spell of comfort and warmth, to be dragged into his arms by those enchanting eyes that held so much sympathy for everything that he didn't know, everything she wished anyone else would know.

His hair was sopping wet like hers, his bangs stuck to his forehead. Small drips of water budded at the ends of his spiky pink tresses, falling down towards his exposed shoulders and running down those defined muscles. His signature scarf became sheer tinted with the rain, glued to his tanned skin. He looked at her with a concerned frown.

She hated it when he frowned, it took away everything that defined him.

"Lucy, what's happened?" he pushed.

Lucy felt a familiar burn blossom in her nose, the burn she'd feel right before she was about to cry.

She shook her head. "Natsu, please."

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"No-"

"Did someone hurt you?"

"Natsu-"

"Lucy, you can tell me-"

"Just stop!" Lucy suddenly shrieked, her clasped hands springing apart to push against Natsu's chest, only to realize the true fault in her actions, and that it was too late to stop herself.

The object she'd been clutching onto for dear life flew out of her slippery hands and fell unceremoniously into a pile of mud with a loud _glop_, its glistening gold darkening with spots of tainted wet earth.

Lucy froze, her mouth dry despite the rain water that rolled off her trembling, cold lips. Her chocolate eyes were wider than they'd ever been, frozen over with something that couldn't compare to horror. Her legs and arms were frozen in their position, shaking violently.

She'd dropped it….she'd dropped _her_..

"_If you ever think about dropping my key ever again, there'll be hell to pay!"_

Oh Mavis…how could she?

She felt her knees buckle together, and did nothing to stop herself from falling to the ground, mud splashing onto her skirt and boots, traveling up her arms as she swiped her hands frantically through the mud to pull out the tainted gold she'd foolishly thrown out of her hands.

"Lucy!"

She felt Natsu's hands grab her shoulders as her entire body shook and her vision blurred with fresh tears. Her head shot up immediately upon contact, and chocolate met comforting green.

If any other male had seen her as she was now; covered in mud and soaking wet, tears that could have been mistaken for rain drops, her body cold and shaking; he would've looked at Lucy with judgement and perhaps uncertainty, wondering why this strange girl was in such misery. But Natsu's eyes sent another message. He looked at her with a definite and warming sense of openness, a look of pure concern that shot directly into Lucy's belly and turned her limbs to jello. He looked at her as if he knew that she needed something he couldn't give, and yet he still wanted to try. Even if any outcome led to failure, he'd try.

He'd always tried…

And yet…he didn't.

After the rainfall succeeded in drowning out Lucy's senses, she felt herself begin to fall into blackness, until she felt Natsu's fingertips touch her own, sliding underneath her trembling hands and lifting her hands above his to their chests, allowing the rain to wash away the mud to reveal the infamous aqua insignia that had been stamped proudly onto the once complete key.

The symbol of the Water Bearer, Aquarius.

She felt Natsu squeeze her hands tightly, listening as his breath hitched in his throat.

"What…how did this happen?" she heard him whisper, surprise and shock fueling his vocal chords.

Lucy felt her lips part, and when nothing escaped them, she bit down on her lip.

How long had she held it all in? It felt like an eternity..a year was too long..it had become too long..so why couldn't she say anything? Why was it so hard to speak?

Her breath caught in her throat when she felt Natsu touch her chin, tiling her face up to meet his worried eyes once more.

Finally, she found her words.

"Alegria."

Natsu blinked, rainfall splashing off of his lashes. "Alegria? You mean that monster thing that sucked all of us up back then?"

Lucy nodded, her eyes sullen.

"But what does that have to do with…" Natsu began, until his voice trailed off, a spark of realization glowing behind his eyes, making them widen. The green in his eyes hardened, and yet his stare was always so personal, so soul deep.

"You were the one who saved all of us…"

Lucy's eyes drifted down to her knees, which were submerged deeply into the mud. She noticed Natsu's legs were in a similar situation.

"What happened, Lucy?"

Lucy's eyes shot up, her heart hammering dangerously in her chest. The familiar sensation of tears hit her like a freight train, and only a few seconds later, Natsu's face blurred.

"I-"

_Say it, just say it!_

"Lucy?"

"I…summoned the Spirit King." she blurted out.

She felt Natsu's hands on her shoulders freeze, his eyes widening in surprise. Unable to bear his response, she spoke before he could, spilling out everything that she'd kept to herself for an entire year.

"I was almost out of magical energy..almost on the brink of death. Everything hurt, every bone and muscle of my body wanted to shatter into billions of pieces, I could barely breathe, I'd never been in such pain in my life.

"Back then, Aquarius told me that there was a way that I could still save everyone, that there was a chance I could see you again." Lucy whispered, running her thumb over Aquarius' half of a key.

"What did she tell you?" Natsu asked softly.

Lucy's lips trembled, a familiar voice echoing through her head.

"_What's important?! Memories?! Keys?! Feelings of guilt?! I don't think so! It's the power to save your friends! The power of a celestial wizard!"_

"I..I didn't want to!" Lucy began to sob, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I told her I didn't want to…and now she's…."

"_Do it! Break my key!" _

Natsu, having heard her unspoken answer loud and clear, pulled her close to his chest as she sobbed with the rain, thunder crashing loudly in the distance. She grabbed onto his scarf for dear life, loosing circulation in her cold hands as she squeezed the broken key in her right hand while still managing to clutch the soft scarf material. She felt him place his hand on the back of her head to pull her closer to him, allowing her body to warm up and stay shielded from the storm.

If only he could protect her from the storm within her as well.

He let her cry until her sounds of agony turned to small whimpers and hiccups, loosening his hold on her so that she could take a deep breath and wipe her reddened eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Lucy's chocolate-rose tinted eyes sized her partner up slowly before answering, her voice vulnerable and soft.

"It didn't seem fair..Wendy, Gajeel, Sting, Rogue… all of them had to say goodbye to their parents, after years of wondering where they had gone. And you'd lost Igneel…what kind of person would I be if I made everything about me?"

Natsu looked at her as if she were insane.

"A normal person Lucy! A person who was upset and grieving for the loss of her friend! You know I wouldn't have been angry!"

Lucy couldn't help but feel a small dose of venom in his voice, which began to set her on edge.

"Yes..I was upset too, more than upset.." he trailed off, suddenly sliding his hands around Lucy's waist and lifting her up and out of the pool of mud they'd been sitting in, setting her down carefully on the wet and grassy ground. She hadn't broken eye contact with him.

"You should've told me, Lucy. It's not right to keep something like that to yourself for that long- a year at that- and break down all by yourself. You have me..you have the others. You're my partner!"

Lucy blinked slowly at his words, processing them slowly, bit by bit. As her brain riddled out everything she needed to know, it was her fire fueled body's turn to take action.

She raised her arm.

And slapped him directly in the face, hard.

The sound echoed behind another clash of thunder throughout the forest, everything freezing in place.

Her palm stung, even as the cold rain poured down onto the red burn painted on the bottom of her hand, a matching mark stamped on Natsu's right cheek, his eyes widened in surprise. He slowly raised his hand up to his cheek, touching it gently with his fingertips. His eyes widened further as he watched Lucy's expression turn from shock to fury, her face contorted into one of extreme pain and incomprehensible anger. Her chocolate eyes turned dark, and an angry and violent flush began blossoming onto her cheeks.

"'You should've told me'?" she repeated back to him, full of aghast and shock. "Are you serious?"

Natsu's shocked face never slackened, which only infuriated Lucy further.

Loosing Aquarius had been one of the most difficult times of her life, besides the death of her beloved mother and father. She wouldn't wish for anyone to feel the emotional pain she'd felt all that time, the pain of loss and despair.

And yet, Aquarius hadn't been the only one to leave her so suddenly.

She remembered that day well, how could she forget it?

She'd found the letter in her apartment, the words sending her into a frenzy of panic and confusion.

_Dear Lucy, _

_Happy and I will be going on a journey while training, we'll be back in about a year or so. _

_So, take care of everybody, alright?!_

_See ya, Lucy!_

He'd signed it, _from_ _Natsu and Happy. _

And she had signed the streets with her tears after trying to chase them down, only to fail and head back to her suddenly lonely apartment.

Fury glistened in her eyes, all signs of agony vanishing.

"Do you know," she began, holding up the broken golden key towards Natsu's face, the rain dripping off of it, "How many times I wished that I had a key that could summon _you _to my side?"

Natsu said nothing, biting down on his bottom lip.

"You say that I'm your partner..that I have you in my life to make the pain go away, that I have the others in the guild, that I shouldn't have to keep this all to myself…bullshit."

She closed more of the space between them until she could see his body shudder as her agitated breath hit his skin, her eyes boring into his.

"Natsu Dragneel," she hissed, "You are the _biggest _hypocrite that I've ever met!"

Natsu gulped shakily. "Lucy-"

"Why? Why did you leave us?! Why did you leave me..your family..your _guild, _all behind?!"

When his astonished face told no answer, she let her tongue go wild.

"If you really care about all of us, if you really consider us to be your family, why did you decide to leave us all in the dust?! You didn't even consider what would happen with your absence, and what was it worth? To increase the heat of your flames by a few fahrenheits?! You didn't even know that the guild that took you in when you were a child disbanded! You didn't know that everyone took their own paths, and yet, you expected everyone to stay stable even after what we had been through?

"If you really considered me to be your partner, you should've taken me with you instead of leaving me behind with some pathetic note! You left me all alone, and sue me if I've had to keep this all to myself when everyone else left too! You have no idea what's been going on, so don't you dare blame me for coping with something that completely crushed and killed me inside and out! Forgive me for being angry that you left me completely blind sighted without any indication of where you were and what you were doing!"

She panted heavily, her throat burning with fire and her head aching.

It didn't help that his eyes reflected pain, and that she knew that she had put that pain into his always brightened eyes.

She turned away from his pained exression, her own settling back on her face.

"You could've been killed…injured even…and none of us would have known.."

Neither of them spoke.

"Natsu, I-" Lucy began until she felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder tightly, which shut her up completely. She felt warmth spread throughout her entire body as Natsu's hand lifted off of her shoulder and placed itself behind her head, cradling her skull as he delicately placed his forehead against hers, the heat shooting into Lucy's head like a rocket.

Her eyes widened as she looked into calming green, the calm before the storm.

But surprisingly, the storm never came.

"Why did Aquarius leave?"

Lucy blinked.

"Wh-what?" she stammered.

"I'll tell you why." Natsu stated, never taking his eyes off of hers. "Because she knew how strong you are."

Lucy was speechless, her body frozen and her throat dry. She was unable to move, glued to the very spot on the ground that she had stood in for over an hour, only this time, she felt a little warmer.

"Lucy, I don't think you know how strong you really are. Back at the Grand Magic Games, you'd chosen to get yourself beat up and lose the match in order to save little Asuka's life. After you lost your father, your smile came back so quickly. You've given Juvia the hope and drive to chase after that stripper Gray. Back before Gajeel came to Fairy Tail, you stood up to him like he was nothing! You restored Loke's faith in celestial mages, you saved his life! You were the one to save us all from that Alegria thing, and you were the one brave enough to summon the Spirit King, giant mustache and all, even if it meant saying goodbye to Aquarius! Who knew that was even possible?!"

Lucy felt Natsu's thumb trace Lucy's cheek, wiping away a stray smudge of mud that had managed to stain her skin.

"When I left, I wanted to take you with me, I missed you so much..I knew that you'd be angry, hell, I'd be pissed off too! I regret leaving you all behind, but in the end I also don't regret it, it was the right thing to do, and I don't regret it. The only thing I regret is not being there for you when you needed me. But I had to leave."

Lucy's eyes released their tears.

"But, why?" she whispered hoarsely.

She heard Natsu inhale sharply, his eyes shutting tightly if he were witnessing a painful event.

"I made you a promise..I promised that I would protect you with my life, that your future wouldn't be the same future that your other self went through. I swore that I would prevent your death, and I knew that Magnolia was the safest place for you."

Lucy's eyes flashed, and she saw herself holding the future Lucy that came to warn them of their hectic future, back when the future Rogue had killed her for getting in the way of his plans. She would never forget the sensation of holding her own future self as she died, nor would she forget the look on Natsu's face and the fury that permeated throughout his body when she took her last breath.

"When I couldn't prevent Igneel's death…I knew I had to get stronger..I.."

Lucy's eyes widened when she saw a single tear slide down Natsu's cheek, his teeth gritting together and shaking breaths escaping past his lips.

"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I lost you too…"

It took several minutes for Lucy to find the strength to raise her arms and wrap them around his neck, burying her face into his neck, and while she felt him do the same, she increased her grip on him.

"I'm right here."

They stood in the pouring rain, rainfall turning into tears, both soaked to the bone and in desperate need of each other.


End file.
